This blog turns 3 years old today! Here’s to many more innapropriate jokes, videos and lists making fun of Syracuse University….thanks for tuning in.
Eight Syracuse University Reactions to This Photo:
1. And you are…?
2. Are those peg legs?
3. Cool confetti. Add “purchase EDC tickets” to my to-do list.
5. Is Chucks open?
6. Can you honestly imagine how this campus would react if we won? It’s probably better we didn’t.
7. It’s better to be humble #13.
Dear Syracuse University Commencement Speaker,
You could be David Remnick, the editor-in-chief of the New Yorker, or Ryan Lewis, Macklemore’s partner in crime. By just looking at a picture of you, I’m really not sure who you could be.
I don’t think you should be concerned that not many students know who you are. There are at least a dozen magazine and journalism majors who peed themselves upon hearing the news that you are our commencement speaker. Their cracking screeches must mean that you are a huge deal and more importantly- you could employ them. No pressure.
I think you’ll have some great things to say on graduation weekend. You should print your speech inside a magazine as one last attempt to make print journalism a thing again!
So you think you’re funny, huh? I just threw out all of my SU Taxi business cards because I thought you were real. I’ll never be able to reconnect with Ahli or Mozed ever again. Your prank also just cost me serious plans to head down to Marshall Street every night for the rest of the week. I wouldn’t have had to worry about walking from Ostrom because, “with SUber, you’ll always arrive in style.”
Hearts were broken everywhere today, predominantly for every spry 20 year old student living on South Campus. The only plus side to your joke is that you handed The NewsHouse its first stab at having a good sense of humor. To that I say…well done. You’ve done the unthinkable.
Dear Tyler Ennis,
I’m glad we talk on the phone sometimes.
Dear Syracuse Class Act,
I think it is great to give back to a school that has given each one of us unbelievable opportunities and experiences. Every person has become who they were destined to be at Syracuse University. Well, mostly everyone.
I’ve seen multiple signs for “Be A Class Act! Donate $20.14.” When it comes to donating $20.14, I’m just not sure if that is in my destiny or in my wallet. There are a lot of acts to support in Syracuse and not all of them are class acts…
• The Chuck’s Act will absolutely get some of my donation. I have to make up for freshmen, sophomore and part of junior year.
• The Time Warner Cable Bill Act.
• The HBO Girls Act because realistically, that’s all we are paying for with fancy cable.
• The Bookstore Act. Hello, Vineyard Vines.
• The Jimmy John’s Act.
• The “I Guess There’s Nothing Better Than Faegan’s” Act.
• The Bleu Monkey Act.
• The SUV Gas Act.
• The Moe’s Monday Act.
• The Wegmans Act.
• The J.Michael’s Act.
• The Greek Life Act. Every, single, month.
• The Get a Job Act.
• The Grad School Act.
It’s nothing personal Syracuse University, I swear! I’ll try to look for pennies under the couch.
Alright, let’s talk. I’m done crying now so I can finally get some words out. I’ve learned a lot since you defeated us this past Saturday. The biggest lesson so far is that Dayton is located in Ohio. The second biggest lesson is that we are so much better off now that we are out of the tournament. You think that sounds like a sore loser justifying a loss? Look at my reasons below and decide for yourself:
1. We get to focus on our superb lacrosse team for the rest of spring. Do you even know what lacrosse is?
2. We get to root for Virginia, mostly because they have an attractive point guard and their school colors are similar to ours.
3. We get to see you lose before you make it to the Final Four.
4. All of our SU basketball apparel is on sale in the bookstore!
5. Baye Moussa Keita can finally hit the town on a Saturday night.
6. We’re emotionally unattached to all of the games playing on the televisions at Chucks. We can focus on conversations with friends!
7. We can continue to not care about schools in the Midwest.
8. No more heart attacks.
9. Jim Boeheim went out with a bang…in that Duke game.
10. Someone had to become our new Georgetown. Congratulations!
Dear Chancellor Kent,
I’ve got a couple kuestions for you. Yes, the spelling there is purposeful, seeing as these questions are only meant for you, Kent. Everytime I read your diary entries- which mysteriously get blasted to the entire school body like a chain letter that’s been circulating since 1997- my mind fills itself to the brim with kuestions. Here are a few:
1. Are we at the Orange “friends” stage quite yet? Let’s take a second.
2. Did you sign any autographs while you were in LA? Did it happen before or after you set down your Peet’s Cofee and organic blueberry wheat bagel with reduced fat cream cheese? So LA of you Kent.
3. Could you start adding infographics/or doodles to your emails? It would cater to the diverse array of learning styles at our institution.
4. Have you ever thought about throwing in clue words or prizes throughout your emails so people will read them all the way through?
5. Will you be attending Block Party?
6. Where did that Malaysian plane go? I know that you know.
7. Have you ever cursed?
8. What was it like going to school at Georgetown University? SIKE I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. IT SUCKED.
9. Do you and Chancy Nancy ever just catch up over coffee? Cocktails? An intense game of Texas Hold ‘Em in the basement of an abandoned warehouse?
10. Can Fab Melo read?