Dear Winter Breakers (not to be confused with Wind Breakers),
Many moons have passed since I’ve last posted a line or two on here. I’ve decided to renew my vows with Tumblr and get back on the “make fun of things” train. Or plane, depending on how you like to travel.
Being on winter break allows for a lot of free time that can be spent anywhere from your bed, to your couch downstairs, to your couch in the basement. There’s a lot to do in the quick five weeks you have on break… all in an attempt to have a good answer when someone asks, “OH HEY! How was your break?”
Let us begin.
“How was your break?”
Answer 1. “I can’t tell you…okay, I became a part of the C.I.A.”
TRUTH: No, you just watched every season of Homeland. You’re utter amazement and attachment to the show has you thinking you’re a part of it. Completing every season of Homeland marks the second time all year you’ve thought about the government besides Election Day.
Answer 2. “Great!”
TRUTH: You’re not friends with the person asking the question. This specific one word answer is an abbreviation for, “I don’t care about your break so please don’t… Just don’t.”
Answer 3. “Relaxing.”
TRUTH: You hung out with Mom and Dad too much. You instragrammed too many photos of animals. And you don’t have animals…
Answer 4: “Fun, but I’m happy to be back.”
TRUTH: You’ve been crying since the second day of break to come back to school. You’ve had the “countdown” Facebook status going way too early. The number of “likes” serves as evidence.
Answer 5: “I killed a guy.”
Answer 6: “I went to the Pinstripe Bowl so…”
TRUTH: You’re talking to a Syracuse student minutes before they get a liver transplant.
Answer 7: “I dreamed a dream that school was here!”
TRUTH: That particular person saw Les Miserables enough times to consider cutting their hair like Anne Hathaway’s.
Answer 8: “It was great seeing everyone.”
TRUTH: Who? That girl who was a grade younger than you in high school that you saw in CVS? Didn’t you guys have yearbook class together? Isn’t her ex-boyfriend the cousin of your junior year boyfriend? Christ.
Answer 9: “Awesome. I traveled a lot, so it was nice getting a change of pace from home.”
TRUTH: This is the person who’s pictures on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram make you sigh. Oh my god, are you crying? Did that picture of a palm tree trigger moisture in your tear ducts? Get it together.
Answer 10: “Let’s just make this semester one we will never forget, deal?”
TRUTH: The need for fun that didn’t happen over break will make this semester one you will NOT remember.
Make this break a good one. Or bearable at least.