“I’m back and my hips are still not lying.” - James Southerland

Dear Syracuse Rushers and Rushees, 

        You can’t smell it in the air as much as you can hear it. Oh, that’s right. It’s sorority rush season. The faint sound of music that constantly echoes in your head isn’t the Pandora on your phone acting up again; it’s the endless cries of enthusiasm, voice cracks, and high A’s coming from the sorority houses all around campus.

       It’s the season for making things rhyme when they don’t.

       It’s the season for clapping outside of a basketball game or Broadway show.

       It’s the season of practicing your handshake and praying to God you will never have   to interview someone kneeling down. 

       It’s the season to solidify your relationship with anyone that falls near you in the alphabet. 

       It’s the season to possibly, maybe, definitely put an intravenous tube of 5 hour energy into your bloodstream. 

       It’s the season to not wear a pantsuit. Ever. 

       It’s the season to be yourself and wear that black Northface that everyone else is wearing. 

      It’s the season. Make sure you don’t miss it though, it goes by really fast. Rush 2013…and remember to Take Your Time 2013, too. 

    Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse University First Day of Classers, 

     I can see it on your face. You laid out your outfit, didn’t you? You don’t want to try too hard but there is a good chance that you will see a lot of people you may or may not want to see in your ANT 101 class so those new boots from Santa need to see the light of day. Let’s not forget your ankle-length Northface jacket, either. It’s been used as a down comforter on the bed in your guest room at home for the past two months and finally the time has come to zip it up. 

      Maybe you’re that kid who has 0 classes on his/her schedule. You’re literally just “sitting in” on classes like a state education officer writing their annual report. You should make it look like you’re actually doing that. Make that professor sweat a little. 

     Maybe you’re that kid who sat in the wrong class for the first 47 minutes. How does that happen? Well, sometimes Statistics and Intro to Christianity seem like the same thing. 

       Maybe you’re just that kid who takes “notes” on your iPad. Everyone can see you, you know that right? 

       Maybe you’re the professor who has had the same syllabus since 1983. Just remember to adjust the dates a little. We can’t have an exam on a Saturday. 

       And finally, maybe you’re the kid who is just excited to learn………about what everyone did over break who is sitting all around you. 

Whoever you are,

and whatever you do,

have a great day of class

in your semester at SU. 

(Yes, I do have an Intro to Poetry class in 10 minutes. Get off my back.)

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear 2013ers, 

       Happy New Year! It’s a prime number, but hey, let’s make it a happy year. There are many Syracusan resolutions we can have for this very new year, so below are the top 13 I could gather. 

1. Let’s forget about that Temple basketball game. 

2. Let’s have more in-class marriage proposals than business project proposals. (click the photo for more)

3. Let’s have less “I failed all my classes so I can’t help the team win a championship” talk. 

4. Let’s build our snow stamina back up to “above human levels.”

5. Let’s talk about the Pinstripe Bowl for next year and start buying warm gear now. 

6. Let’s dance more with Nancy ” ‘Cant’ Stop the Beat” Cantor. 

7. Let’s be friends with Georgetown….I can’t even type that without laughing.

8. Let’s keep the ball rolling with great musical acts for Mayfest. The ball needs to keep rolling…

9. Let’s be more positive people. We all can shout out a, “Hey pretty girl/guy!” here and there throughout our daily routines.  

10. Let’s all congratulate the class of 2013 on their graduation from Syracuse University on January 1, 2013 according to Facebook. 

11. Let’s make Armory Square an actual “thing.” 

12. Let’s win a championship in something. That means you, too, Track & Field. 

13. Let’s make it nasty. Sorry, Tyga hacked this. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse University Football Team, 

         I don’t know how, but you’ve earned your stripes once again. It was a pleasant surprise to see a victory as much as it was a pleasant surprise to find out that I was attending a football game and not a baseball game.

        As you celebrate your 2nd title and do a lot of “kiss the hand, double chest hit and sky pointing,” I think you need to thank the fans for coming to the game. Sure, it’s easy to stay moving and play football in the snow. But to wipe down a seat covered in snow with your backside? To clap your hands after a touchdown and not be 100% confident that you still have hands? To look forward to singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” at the 7th inning stretch and not have that happen? 

     Sure, you won a game yesterday. But the fans at that game all won MVP- Most Valuable People awards. 

R.I.P To all the toes and fingers lost to the conditions during the Pinstripe game. You will be missed. 

Fondly,

An Orangewoman 

Dear Winter Breakers (not to be confused with Wind Breakers), 

     Many moons have passed since I’ve last posted a line or two on here. I’ve decided to renew my vows with Tumblr and get back on the “make fun of things” train. Or plane, depending on how you like to travel. 

     Being on winter break allows for a lot of free time that can be spent anywhere from your bed, to your couch downstairs, to your couch in the basement. There’s a lot to do in the quick five weeks you have on break… all in an attempt to have a good answer when someone asks, “OH HEY! How was your break?” 

Let us begin. 

“How was your break?”

Answer 1. “I can’t tell you…okay, I became a part of the C.I.A.”

TRUTH: No, you just watched every season of Homeland. You’re utter amazement and attachment to the show has you thinking you’re a part of it. Completing every season of Homeland marks the second time all year you’ve thought about the government besides Election Day. 

Answer 2. “Great!”

TRUTH: You’re not friends with the person asking the question. This specific one word answer is an abbreviation for, “I don’t care about your break so please don’t… Just don’t.”

Answer 3. “Relaxing.”

TRUTH: You hung out with Mom and Dad too much. You instragrammed too many photos of animals. And you don’t have animals…

Answer 4: “Fun, but I’m happy to be back.”

TRUTH: You’ve been crying since the second day of break to come back to school. You’ve had the “countdown” Facebook status going way too early. The number of “likes” serves as evidence. 

Answer 5: “I killed a guy.”

TRUTH: Wait..what? 

Answer 6: “I went to the Pinstripe Bowl so…” 

TRUTH: You’re talking to a Syracuse student minutes before they get a liver transplant.

Answer 7: “I dreamed a dream that school was here!” 

TRUTH: That particular person saw Les Miserables enough times to consider cutting their hair like Anne Hathaway’s. 

Answer 8: “It was great seeing everyone.”

TRUTH: Who? That girl who was a grade younger than you in high school that you saw in CVS? Didn’t you guys have yearbook class together? Isn’t her ex-boyfriend the cousin of your junior year boyfriend? Christ. 

Answer 9: “Awesome. I traveled a lot, so it was nice getting a change of pace from home.”

TRUTH: This is the person who’s pictures on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram make you sigh. Oh my god, are you crying? Did that picture of a palm tree trigger moisture in your tear ducts? Get it together. 

Answer 10: “Let’s just make this semester one we will never forget, deal?”

TRUTH: The need for fun that didn’t happen over break will make this semester one you will NOT remember. 

     Make this break a good one. Or bearable at least. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse Accepted Students, 

      I apologize for not greeting you with updated posts, pictures, and inside jokes these past few months. Here’s what I’ve been doing instead of writing on the “Dear Syracuse” blog. I hope some of this interests you as you start the beginning of an Orange life soon…

1. I messed up Fab Melo’s class schedule. Don’t doubt his class attendance before March Madness. He was showing up for his classes…at ESF. He should’ve realized that something was off when Writing 205 involved examining roots of local fungi. I apologize for taking a joke too far. My bad.

2. I was being an event planner for the Block Party that Nicki Minaj did NOT RSVP for. There were going to be hot dogs, hamburgers and picnic tables with checkered tablecloths. Her loss.

3. I was writing jokes for Aziz Ansari.

3.5. Just kidding, I was rapping jokes for Aziz Ansari.

4. I was busy covering every square inch of the quad with my body during that week of perfect weather. I was also preoccupied with building an in-ground pool on the quad but the weather turned on me. So did DPS.

5. I was DJing every frat houses’ music so each blasting speaker could create a symphony of dubstep, electronic, “OH MY GOD’s,” and r-r-r-rap beats.

6. I was not doing work in Bird Library.

7. I was putting all those pinwheels up for Relay for Life…blindfolded.

8. I was making plans to transform the sandwiches at Jimmy Johns- i.e Italian Nightclub, Beach Club etc- into actual nightclubs on campus. I couldn’t find enough bread.

9. I was stealing all the strawberries in Ernie Davis.

10. I was busy clarifying to everyone that Kaskade is not the same as Cascada…

I hope you can reach inside your orange Accepted Students bag and find a handful of forgiveness for me, along with a “GO CUSE!” water bottle you’ll use for the rest of high school to show everyone how cool you really are. 

Fondly,

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse’s Ground Hog,

    It looks like you’re going to continue to make us suffer. We’ll have to wear our light pullover jackets for another 6 weeks, along with our Sperry’s, Tom’s, and other light-weight shoes that aren’t Uggs. We’ll have to keep our sunglasses out and our sunscreen on tap as we brave the harsh Syracuse winter for even longer. The worst thing is, we will have to walk through puddles once in a while. Honestly, get a heart. And lose the shadow.

    Fondly,

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse’s Twenty and Oh,

      You are two numbers that have made history. Hey Twenty, remember when you were just Nineteen? You used to be a meaningless number of victories. Look at you now. And you, Oh, well you symbolize all the shaking heads, strained vocal chords of coaches, and disappointment by all the losing teams. You should be especially proud of yourself. I hope you guys are very happy and proud with all the hard work you’ve done to become the numbers that you are today. Also, nice hand-eye coordination Dion.

   Fondly,

An Orangewoman

Dear Fabulous Melo, 

    Congratulations on your record setting 10 blocks in the Seton Hall game. I also want to wish you congrats on your other record. People seem to forget that you also set a 10 block record in “Most Amount of City Blocks Walked in One Step.” Stay tall. 

    Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse University Winter Breakers, 

    Be honest with yourself and how you are feeling right now. Unless you’re going on a vacation, you are DYING to go back to school. The 14 hour sleep cycles, couch days, and couch days at your friend’s house down the street are getting a little monotonous. Here are some of the top reasons you are itching to go back to school:

1) You love learning…ha..

2) You miss reading about the symptoms of alcohol poisoning when you use your bathroom at home. 

3) No one screams, “Hey PRETTY GIRL!” at you when you grab coffee in your kitchen. 

4) Quit denying it, you want to play in some snow. But only long enough to take a few mobile uploads, post a status, and then start complaining about it. 

5) Your mom and dad are constantly present RA’s.

6) You want to wear as much Syracuse and Greek apparel as you want without looking like you’re obsessed. 

7) You miss using your school ID. It turns out they are not accepted at gas stations or malls at home. 

8) You’re starting to forget your roommates names…Kate? No, no. It’s definitely Becca. 

9) All of your friends at home are sick of you talking about how ‘Cuse basketball is #1. 

10) The Syracuse University’s men’s basketball team is ranked #1 and is above everyone else in the first place, numero uno position. (see photo)

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

“Dear Syracuse” Dialogue:

Dion: “DAAANNNNGG. I’ve been calling you POOKIE all this time!”

Fondly,

An Orangewoman